This year it means accelerated semesters (14 wks instead of 16 doesn’t sound bad, but when you’re doing it x3 it’s a little bit much), tutoring (so I can eat)(and do laundry), project meetings and collaboration frustrations (padding the resume - it’s scary that I’ll be starting to apply for jobs in a few months)(and because I don’t know how to say no when flattered professionally), working with helicopter parents that somehow think that the person behind the reference desk at the library is who you go to to complain about a financial aid package (so I can pay rent)(and put gas in the car)(oh, and pad the resume some more)(and also because I seem to be a glutton for punishment), driving back and forth between GR and Detroit for doctor appts. that tell me nothing and just result in more appts. and tests (very frustrating)(and really fucking expensive), and a massive amount of homework that I have no motivation to do (although I have managed to write a paper touting Dooce as a modern-day humanist.) All made immeasurably harder because I keep passing out every few minutes from the noxious assault of cat ass.

Dude is relentless in his quest to be spanked. At any other time it’d make me laugh. Right now it’s just annoying me.

It’s all making being witty, lighthearted, and blogging a little rougher than normal so I’m taking a break for a few weeks. As much as I miss blogging on a frequent basis I have absolutely no material right now and need to finish up the semester with as few distractions as possible. But the end of summertime will hopefully involve all the previous fun stuff. And maybe even the cabana boy Raoul will show up (okay, really he’ll just have multiple starring roles in my imagination, but that doesn’t mean I won’t tell you about it.)

The Grand Rapids-Muskegon-Holland metropolitan area was rated by ReliaStar Financial Corp. in 1998 as the No. 3 city in the US (out of 100) “to Earn and Save Money.” (FAIR)

By ancestry I am German, Irish, and Czech. However, just as a child raised by wolves occasionally howls at the moon after being brought into civilization, I’m still someone that loves shopping for a bargain. I’m not necessarily cheap, but if I can find a deal on something it will make my day. And I will tell everyone I know about it.** For example, this morning I went to do my weekly shopping at the Eastern Market and bought all of this:

A watermelon, 2 plantains, a head of romaine, cabbage, 2 yams, 6 tangerines and 1 dz. baby cucumbers for $8. I am not kidding. There will be fresh salad, tostones, and baked yam fries all week.  And I’m beyond geeked that I was able to get all my fruits and veggies that cheaply. My roots are definitely showing.

*however they have yet to embrace the liberal politics of Amsterdam. In this area a coffee house still sells only coffee.

** I have found that while my friends who are also from W. Michigan understand this obssession and will gladly listen to and exchange info on the deals they have gotten, once you step east of Lansing people just start rolling their eyes. Uppity snobs.

But wow, I was bored at work and found this. I laughed so hard Diet Vernors squirted out of my nose. Anyone else that has ever had that experience knows that something has to be pretty damn great for someone to be able to endure that kind of pain and still laugh.

Enjoy.

(and make sure you swallow your ginger ale first)

more cat pictures

*why yes, I am that sad

**he’s just that much of a diva

(pic shamelessly stolen from A Yank Gone South’s Wordless Wednesday post, hi Annie!)

So why in the hell was I reading an article about Cabela’s??? Pure boredom. I was on my lunch break in the student center, looking for something to read so I picked up the the Detroit Metrotimes (warning, for some reason Google has this site listed as harmful - stereotyping maybe?) I passed by the ads for Panhandle Slim & The Oklahoma Kid and Natural American Spirit cigarettes  (quote “We created earth-friendly and organic growing programs, and use recycled materials and renewable energy sources.” - finally, cancer sticks for the eco-conscious!) only to find that their summer guide lists the store as one of their “favorite 8 destinations with more than 1000 things to do!”

Here’s a few of my favorite passages:

“The conceit of the store…creates the unique kind of American experience that  makes French deconstructionists pop a boner. At Cabela’s, American frontier spirit is shamelessly, cleverly parlayed into consumer culture. For the keen cultural observer, the mythology of self-reliance, thrift, and respect for nature are perverted in hilarious and entertaining ways.”

“We take a quick detour upstairs to see that oddities in the furniture department, a monument to kitsch that could strike a sensitive interior designer blind….(hunters) may choose to put their 40-watt bulbs in a 9-antler ‘reproduction’ elk chandelier, hand-stained and rubbed to resemble authentic sheds.”

“And these scenes, both tense and gentle, aim to provide  a sense of reassurance that our consumer-driven culture can strike some balance with rapidly disappearing nature. You may be staring at a mounted critter, as cute and cuddly as the day he was blown to Kingdom Come, and turn your eyes to a 2008 Kawasaki Bayou 250 (comes in red or green) or a Fish Cat Pontoon Boat ($699.) On one platform with rocks and turf sits a pair of Ford F250 Super Duty Trucks, suggesting that moose, elk, and light truck can co-exist in harmony.”

Not the best endorsement the store has ever had, I’m sure, but damn, it made me laugh. The author, Michael Jackman, somehow manages to give a backhand insult to the very establishment he’s supposedly endorsing in every paragraph. It almost makes a 90% vegetarian like me (I know, I know, I’m a hypocrite. But I’m almost there - if only bacon and/or seafood would stop tasting so good) want to visit, just for the laugh. But only almost, after about a full 1/3 of a second of consideration, I think I’ll pass. Given the choice I’d rather suffer through Panhandle Slim & The Oklahoma Kid.

]]> http://www.stereotypicalsinglewoman.com/blog/2008/06/thanks-but-ill-pass/feed/ http://www.stereotypicalsinglewoman.com/blog/2008/06/you-spin-me/ http://www.stereotypicalsinglewoman.com/blog/2008/06/you-spin-me/#comments Tue, 10 Jun 2008 15:14:56 +0000 me http://www.stereotypicalsinglewoman.com/blog/?p=580

Lately I’ve been having a lot of vague abdominal pain - it comes and goes, along with some heartburn, so I’ve been taking some antacids and really hadn’t thought too much about it. But I was in GR last weekend to see my dentist so I thought I’d give my new health insurance card a workout and visit my doctor as well. I figured I probably had an ulcer, after all, I’m in grad school, there’s stress. Stress not only makes me clench my jaw, which makes my teeth hurt, which makes me take painkillers on a consistent basis so I can eat without flinching, which has a tendency to erode your stomach lining; but stress also causes you to produce more stomach acid, which tends to irritate stomachs with lining problems. So yeah, I figured I had an ulcer, would be prescribed some Prevacid, and sent on my way.

Why haven’t I learned that things never work out the way I think they will? I adore my doctor, she’s compassionate, funny, and very level-headed. I willingly drive across the state for an appointment with her. So when I saw her get as concerned as she was about my symptoms I started to get worried. An hour later she had three vials of my blood, had scheduled me for a CAT scan, and an appointment with a gastroenterologist. It could still be just an ulcer, but damn.

My CAT scan is today but ever since last Monday I have been officially freaked out about every pain, itch, and twinge I’ve had anywhere near my abdomen. Even an sore arm had me pausing and wondering what exotic, painful, life threatening disease I might have. You have no idea how hard it is for a library student, who also happens to be a borderline hypochondriac, to stay off of the Mayo Clinic and WebMD websites. It’s second nature for me to do research, unfortunately in this case doing so will also freak my shit out, which I really don’t need that at the moment. After some consideration (and threats from friends and family to knock it off already or they’re going figure out how to put a filter on my computer) I decided that there is something to be said for being blissfully ignorant at times.

So I’m sitting here, drinking my first round of contrasting dye (READI-CAT2, the breakfast of champions!), and the thought did cross my mind - what would happen if I added some vodka and rum to the mixture? It sure as hell would make my day run smoother if I could turn this into a cocktail….

But now I live in Detroit. Big box retailers don’t like Detroit. So if I want to go to a Meijer I need to go to the suburbs. This had never been a big deal before, after all, it was easy enough to plan my weekly grocery shopping around my work schedule in Troy. But now I’m working in Detroit (and thankfully only filling up my gas tank once a month as opposed to twice a week), so, my suburban upbringing had me traveling out to the burbs once a week to “do my shopping.”

But lately I’ve noticed that even Meijer’s prices have gotten higher and higher on produce, which is the staple of my diet. And the quality has been seriously lacking. It’s spring. I want salads. And fruit. And juice. But I’d have to take out another student loan just to buy the gas to get out there, get the produce (which, let’s face it, doesn’t stay fresh a full week, so I’m going out to the burbs at least twice a week), and get home. So I’ve been nosing around local retailers* lately.

I’ve always known about the Eastern Market. I live less than a mile away. But, well, I’m a girl from the ‘burbs. I grew up with consistency, muzak, air conditioning, and pretty lighting from my retailers. I don’t like admitting it, but the area, the newness, the uniqueness, it scared me a little. I kept begging my friends and family, please, come visit me, we’ll go, check it out.  Just so that I don’t have to go on my own the first time. I can be such a chickenshit at times. Which would be why it wasn’t until today, with my mom and sister, that I visited for the first time.

My fears were unfounded. The produce is better than in the burbs. Not exactly cheaper, but if you factor in the fact I can walk there, it’s worth it. There’s so many flowers to be seen that it makes me wish even harder for a house with a garden. And the people watching is so spectacular that it has to be experienced to be believed. I’m going to be doing most of my shopping there this summer.

* not to knock the place, after all, Meijer is a local retailer (particularly in Grand Rapids.) They buy most of their produce from the farms in the area around their stores. My family knows many farmers that depend on them as their biggest customer. So shopping there is supporting the local economy. Plus, they’re union. Both points makes them vastly superior to their biggest local competition, a national chain I despise so much I won’t even link to it.

Look guys, according to my clock I still had 6 minutes left of my 30th year. I was up, working on a paper, and decided to goof off on the internet for the last 10 minutes of the day, you know, as an early birthday present to myself. I was planning a quiet, “ignore it and it might not happen,” approach to this event. And you jolted me back to reality, something I’m not too terribly fond of at times like this. Thanks a whole hell of a lot.

Somehow we’re still managing to get around even though it’s $4.29/gal in downtown Detroit. Although with the new job I’m only going through 1/4 a tank a week, max. How much does filling up your gas tank hurt???

My classes aren’t bad, I’m just not as invested as I could be. It’s sunny and beautiful out. I want to be outside. Or if I have to be inside there’s other, more interesting, things I found that I’d rather be paying attention to. I want to hang out with my friends. I want to get so drunk I don’t remember what happened the night before. I want to go on vacation. Instead I’m here. Sitting in the graduate library, and making it look like I’m working on school work. But I’m really only phoning it in. Considering that the semester’s already a 1/3 of the way through you’d think my notes would look better than this.

That is what I took away from my 3hr collection development class today: when it comes to library resource sharing Ann Arbor sucks, the Triangle rules, and if that bitch didn’t stop kicking her bookbag I was no longer going to be responsible for my actions. Higher education, it’s only what you make of it, and today it was merely an excuse to sit in air conditioning.