stereotypical single woman

Dear Footwear Designers,

I would like it to go on record that I am completely over the ballerina flats look. You’ve had your hippie-dippie fun for the last year and a half, I’m begging you, please go back to making high heeled shoes. Please, Please, PLEASE.

You see, I have spent the last week trying to assemble a look for a photo shoot on my very meager budget - you know, the “young intellectual librarian/broke grad student/would be a midwestern hipster if only my BMI were cut in half” look. My hair has been cut, a new top has been bought, my eyebrows have been threaded. Everything has been neatly hung up and put away in hopes that the cat hair will somehow stay away until after my picture is taken. All I need to finish the outfit is a reasonably priced (okay, dirt cheap), cute, casual(ish) pair of summer heels. Something I can wear with jeans or a skirt, to work or out on a date. You know, the perfect pair of shoes. Now, I’m open to variations on what they may look like. I have no hard and fast expectations, preferring to browse and trusting that intuitively I will know what I want when I see it. At least that is the method has always worked for me in the past. But this time I have been from store to store trying to find these mythical shoes. I have even looked outside my price range, hoping against hope that they even exist; rationalizing that if I didn’t eat for a couple weeks I’d at least have a great pair of shoes. But so far? Nada. Nothing. Zip. Zilch.

What the hell is up with that? I know I’m picky, but c’mon people, work with me here. Don’t you want my money? The clock is ticking, I need something by next Wed. After that the debit card is going back in the wallet.

Being a short and curvy individual I just can’t pull the flats look off effectively. Aesthetically heels just look better. You see, by some cruel twist of genetic fate I am a mere 5′5″ tall. Which isn’t all that bad except that I am long-waisted. In order to look proportional I need at least another 2″ added to my legs, 3″ would be even better. The added height just makes me feel sexier and more confident. And makes my ass look smaller. And it will stop me from occasionally walking on the hem of my jeans and oh-so-gracefully tripping myself. Not to mention that I’ve recently started seeing a man that is 6′3″. While it’s hard for us to keep our hands off each other right now, it’d be even hotter if I didn’t have to stand on my tippy toes just to kiss him goodbye. So please, I’m begging you, help a girl out and bring back the heels.

thank you,

Sara