stereotypical single woman

Call me paranoid, but I am convinced that the Michigan Department of Transportation planned it’s summer road construction schedule for no other reason than to fuck with me.

If you’ve read any of my previous entries it’s painfully obvious to anyone that I’m not above having emotionally based, illogical, knee-jerk reactions to things. But in this case let me present you with some hard(ish) evidence to support my claims.

Example 1: In order to leave the city and visit my family on the other side of the state I usually take 75N to 696W to 96W, simple enough. However they have closed the west-bound ramp from 75 to 696. Without any warning. Clearly they don’t want me to leave Detroit and go back to Grand Rapids.

Example 2: I thwart their attempts to keep me in the city, find a different route home, only to find sections of 75 near my apartment COMPLETELY CLOSED on the weekends when I return. Listen guys, it’s not like I wanted to come back to Detroit on Sunday afternoons. Trust me, I’d much rather be home in Grand Rapids. But making me detour through the ‘hoods with three cats yowling in their carriers? It just makes me want to turn around and never return.

Example 3: It has always taken me less than ten minutes to get from my apartment to campus. That was until MDOT decided to close the bridge on Warren for “construction.” Dudes, don’t give me the rationale that the bridge was falling apart and had potholes large enough to hide bodies in. I know you just wanted to make me late for a final. Bastards.

Now, all of this might not seem like such a big deal, unless, like me, you routinely have only a 1/4 tank of gas in your car*, which leaves very little wiggle room for detours. Let me tell you, nothing gets the adrenaline pumping like the prospect of being lost and running out of gas in downtown Detroit.

Since MDOT has determined that I am a creature of habit who gets easily disorientated when confronted with a new detour, they’ve got to be loving watching me suffer. After all, what else are they going to do for entertainment? I am sure they are sitting there in Lansing, cackling, with every new Detroit road they decide to close.

* I just hate the whole process of buying it, okay? To me it’s just annoying. Having to go to the gas station, waiting for a pump on the correct side, maneuvering around the people that don’t know how to park, the dirty pump handle, the stupid television Speedway shows, the credit card reader that may or may not be working. If I ever get married the vows will be something along the lines of “Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise to love her, cherish her, honor her, and make sure the tank of her car is at least 3/4 of the way full at all times?” And, to be fair, I’m willing to reciprocate in my vows by promising to do something he hates. Or provide oral sex on a consistent schedule. His choice.