a few letters
By me • Apr 8th, 2008 • Category: rants, today's blog 365 postDear taxpayers,
The library is merely a dumping ground for IRS forms. We don’t order them, we simply accept what the IRS sends us and then distribute them as a public service. Quit your whiney-ass complaining when we don’t have what you need. You’re living in the 21st century, learn how to use the computer to get the forms off the internet like everyone else does.
thank you,
Sara
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Dear library patrons,
I am not a C.P.A. Hell, I’m not even a librarian yet. Quit coming in at 8:30 p.m., armed with a pile of papers, expecting me to help you file your taxes on Turbo Tax. Especially if you’re so computer illiterate that you don’t even have an email address. It’s only going to make me laugh at you.
thank you,
Sara
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Dear M.D.O.T.,
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
sincerely,
Sara
p.s. I hate you.
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Dear guy driving the Fedex Truck that cut me off and then had the balls to honk at me,
Fuck you.
sincerely,
Sara
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Dear people that park in spaces #63 and #65,
Stay in your own fucking lines.
sincerely,
Sara
p.s. if there is even a scratch on my car from you trying to extricate yourself from your sorry ass parking jobs I’m slashing your tires.
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Dear Dudes in the elevator,
Proper elevator etiquette is as follows. Get in quickly, push the button to your floor, offer to push the button for anyone else on car, then wait quietly until we arrive at your floor. Polite small talk may occur while the car is in motion, provided it includes everyone in the car. It is not the time or place for you and your buddies to be discussing the Albanian chic you banged.
thank you,
Sara
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Dear people that live on my floor,
Why in the hell must the hallway always smell like burnt fish sticks? I can understand burning them once or twice, but every single fucking night? It’s not that complicated, just pay attention to what you’re doing for chissakes.
your neighbor,
Sara
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Dear Boys,
Thank you for being so cute and cuddly tonight. I really needed that.
love,
Mom
me is
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Ugh, I can’t believe people actually have the gall to come into a library and ask for free help. Meanwhile, CPAs everywhere can’t afford to feed their crotchfruits.
Ha! Thanks, I needed a laugh today!
You have such a wonderful way with words.
At least you got to listen to relative strangers discussing chicks they banged. I actually had the pleasure of listening to 2 of my male students discuss that hot chick one banged the other week. No, they didn’t realize I was on the elevator.
Pigs.
(P.S. I love stories of the morons that come in to the library. I think they are hysterical!)
ha!…. thanks for the laugh!
been going over the other entries, quite a rakoff/sedaris style you have!… refreshing writing my dear…