stereotypical single woman

(Sorry guys, but this post is contains information about things such as a uterus and ovaries, and not in a good way. You’re welcome to stick around, but consider yourself warned)

Yesterday was so ridiculous that I have two choices, sit here, silently weep, and internalize all the stress that I’m feeling or share all the gory details and get it out my system. Lucky you, I’m sharing. What was so rough you may ask? I spent my day in the two places that will make any sane adult cringe in horror.

I’m back in GR to fix, or at least attempt to fix, two very expensive entities - my body and my car. The morning started by dropping my car off at a mechanic my family has gone to for years. I’ve been hearing a rattling/dragging sound coming from the front passenger wheel well whenever I’m going over 60mph. While I’m basically car illiterate, I have listened to enough Car Talk to know that once I start hearing funny noises coming from the tire area that I should have the wheel bearings checked. And since I drive 20 miles on I-75 every time I go to and from work I was understandably concerned about the possibility that my wheel could come flying off in rush hour traffic. For my own piece of mind I just wanted to get everything checked out. I explained what I heared and when, but what does the guy do? Not drive the car on the expressway to find out why I’ve brought it in, instead he just fixed the brakes. Which, granted, had to be done, and they now work great, but c’mon. It cost $250 to not fix the problem, I tested the car today and the noise is still there. He admitted that there could be bearing problems, but he didn’t check them, and that has to be done here and now. Because while it’s a bad experience for a wheel to fall off on the west side of Grand Rapids going 25 mph, it’s an exponentially more dangerous experience for a wheel to fall off while going 70mph on the west side of Detroit. If the crash doesn’t kill me the armed drivers will. Ughhh.

Unfortunately that wasn’t the most frustrating experience yesterday. I then had to go for yet another pelvic ultrasound due to that whole possible ruptured and/or twisted ovarian cyst. And while the experience is invasive and uncomfortable enough due to the whole pushing and probing an area that’s already in pain, it’s made worse by the fact that you need to drink 48-64oz of water an hour beforehand so you go into it with a full bladder. Now, I’ve been through this before, and yes, it was painful. But that experience wasn’t too bad because last time they got me in on time, did the ultrasound, and let me pee all in the span of a half an hour. This time they made me wait 20 minutes past my scheduled appointment before taking me back to the ultrasound room. And sure, 20 minutes really isn’t that long to wait, but when you have 48oz. in you bladder and you are in a waiting room situated right next to a large, prominent sign for a women’s restroom (that was put there just to taunt you) it’s nothing but cruel, sick, twisted medical torture.

Once I got in the procedure was extremely uncomfortable and I was sure I was going to pee my pants. To further complicate matters I had a very chatty ultrasound technician, an older woman who is VERY into her work. She thinks there is nothing more fascinating than taking pictures of someone’s insides. Under normal circumstances she’s exactly the kind of person you want working on you. But I was in a tad bit of pain and not my most rational at that point. I just wanted her to shut the fuck up and finish. Unfazed by my whimpering, she poked and pushed, giving me a running narrative as she went along, occasionally turning the screen to show me what she was doing. I found out that not only is my uterus heart instead of pear shaped, and that there’s a significant amount of extra fluid in my abdomen from whatever burst, but that my entire reproductive system leans to the left side of my body. Which, as the tech explained, is a little odd but not harmful. I’m taking it as a good thing though. Not only does it explain why, whenever I have abdominal pain, it’s concentrated on my left side, but also practically guarantees that I will never give birth to a Republican.