stereotypical single woman

How my day was supposed to go:

• 6:30 a.m. - wake up, shower, pack stuff up to go back to Detroit
• 7:30-8:30 a.m - have a greasy breakfast at IHOP with my family
• 9-11:30 a.m. - drive to Detroit
• 11:30-12:30 p.m - drop the boys off at the apartment, have lunch, get ready for work
• 1-5:00 p.m. - work at least half of my normal 9-5 shift
• 5:30-6:30 p.m. - grocery shopping, because I need milk and bread
• 7:30-11:30 - do my reading for this week, make a few educated and insightful comments on a class discussion board, work on a HTML project.
• 12:00 - bedtime

How my day really went:

• 6:30 a.m. - my dad wakes me up.
• 6:31 a.m. - Marty wants to cuddle, I stay in bed a few more minutes, ’cause he’s nice and warm and purring, and really, who can pass that up?
• 7:00 a.m. - wake up again, go downstairs, take a shower
• 7:30 a.m. - Amelia wakes up
• 7:32-8:15 a.m. - complete toddler meltdown, resulting in everyone running late, because she is occupying the bathroom and no one else is allowed in there. We don’t know exactly what she is doing, she claims to not have to go, despite energetically doing the “I gotta pee” dance, so chances are good she’s probably playing with Trina’s band aid collection (nurses are weird) or my mom’s body lotion. But we haven’t had any coffee yet and just don’t feel like fighting so we let her stay in there.
• 8:45 a.m.- finally get out the door
• 8:45-9:15 a.m. - holy shit, the roads are slippery, but the craving for a pancake combo is strong, so we keep going
• 9:15-10:00 a.m - breakfast, along with only one toddler meltdown because we wouldn’t let her have our coffee. I’m sorry dear, but I’d rather deal with the anti-christ than a sick 2 1/2yr old with a caffeine buzz at 9:30 am.
• 10-10:20 a.m. - damn the roads are slippery, is the snow ever going to stop? Oh wait, it’s just because it’s so fucking cold that the salt is turning the snow to water that’s immediately freezing into ice and coating the roads. fun times.
• 10:30 a.m.- fill up gas tank
• 10:35-10:50 a.m. - realize debit card that I used to fill up tank is missing, panic, call bank, have them put a block on the card that cannot be reversed under any circumstances, and have them issue a new one that I’ll get in 3-5 business days
• 10:51 a.m. - realize I’m screwed, I use my debit card for everything
• 10:52 a.m. - find debit card that was blocked on the floor of the car, curse self and all my unborn children
• 10:55-11:10 a.m. - throw shit in car
• 11:12 a.m. - panic when the trunk won’t shut, think that trunk latch has frozen, go whining to Daddy
• 11:13 a.m. - Daddy fixes problem by moving box in the way of trunk latch
• 11:15 a.m. - realize that there’s no way in hell I’m going to make it into work today, call boss, explain situation. At least he’s laughing about my morning.
• 11:20-11:30 a.m. - wrangle cats into carriers
• 11:30-2:00 p.m. - drive back to Detroit. Once I got east of Lansing the roads were fine, but the entire time I’m subjected to three cats whining that
  • a) they don’t like being in their carriers
  • b) they’re bored
  • c) they wanted to stay in Grand Rapids with the big house and nice family, and it’s just not fair or legal for me to move them against their will. In fact, they’re thinking of getting a lawyer, so there.
  • d) I’m a bitch
• 2-2:15 p.m. - throw self against door of apartment, trying to get in. One of the windows has a tendency to fly open during wind storms, creating an air pressure problem, and resulting in the door refusing to open unless I (and occasionally a neighbor) throw ourselves against it full force for about a minute and a half until the air pressure equalizes and the door opens.
• 2:15 - 3:30 p.m. - holy shit, apartment is cold. Window must have been open for days - and it’s been in the single digits at night. Decide to make tea, turn on all heaters, and try to think of some reason to use the oven so that apartment will be warm enough for me to do my homework without gloves on. Also, realize that I should have warmed up the toilet seat with the hair dryer before using it.
• 3:30-5 p.m. - read articles on information and human behavior. Catch brain sneaking away to work on more interesting topics - such as whether or not I should organize my sock drawer. Reprimand brain, explain that I’m not sitting here reading academic articles for fun, and that I’ve spent a lot of money for my brain to have this experience, so it better participate. Brain considers talking to cats’ lawyer.
• 5-5:10 p.m. - after reading classmates’ comments throw educated and insightful goal out the window, decide to keep the bar low, and write the 3 mandated discussion board comments quickly and without proof reading.
• 5:30 - 7:00 p.m. - watch class video on HTML project so I will get credit for attending an online class. At least that’s what the instructors will think. I’m actually making dinner and playing with the cats while the video plays on my computer, muted. Hell, if I don’t know how to pull this ugly ass assignment out of my butt by now someone should just shoot me.
• 7-I pass out on the couch p.m. - since I didn’t make it to the grocery store I’m just working my way through a bottle of wine, I hope your day was at least slightly better than mine.