stereotypical single woman

Dear Santa,

We’ve been really good cats this year. We’ve endured living with a pack of dogs for a few months, a really long and excruciatingly stressful car ride across the state, and the tedium being confined to a small 500 square foot studio for the last 4 months (the times Marty has sneaked into the hallway were all so brief they don’t count) all in good humor. We don’t scratch the furniture. We don’t bite. We love to cuddle. Marty even lets a toddler drag him around the house. So we feel perfectly justified asking for a very special gift this year.

We would all like a Hepper Pod Pet Bed - a pink for Marty (flamingly gay), Herringbone for Harvey (classy, but still gay), and Green (so not gay) for me. Yes, they’re pricey, but we would love them ever so much. Mom has repeatedly said she has much better ways to spend $500, such as on food and rent, so we thought we’d ask you.

Even though she said we’ll never get them, Mom thinks they’re fun, quirky, and would go great with the mid-century modern look of the apartment. I don’t care about that, I just think they’ll be an even better alternative than under the bed when it comes to hiding from the scary housekeeping people when they vacuum the hallway.

Love,

Foster A.

p.s. if we can’t have these a new laser pointer and Greenies would do