stereotypical single woman

Just in case you’ve been wondering (please just humor me, I know you haven’t been), I’ve kept up with my garden (KEEPING BUSY!) while going through the moving process (first part done, now I have to go through everything, sell most of it, and move at the end of August.) (damn, I’m tired though, I can’t wait until I no longer feel the need to KEEP BUSY) After reading The Rose and Tomato Forums on Garden Web I discovered the wonders of and a recipe for Alfalfa Tea. I try to garden as organically as possible and since this seemed like a natural version of Miracle Grow I figured I’d give it a shot.

Many hardcore gardeners sing the praises of this brew. And since I’m a wanna-be hardcore gardener I’m going to as well. But initially I scoffed at all of them when they complained about the smell. I read their whiny posts, the “OMG, it’s horrible“, “I though a large cow had been sick in my yard!“, “My neighbors complained for days after I put it down!” Blah, blah, blah. Stupid people and their too sensitive noses. I would be tougher than that. It couldn’t be that bad.

Oh naivety, thy name is Sara. Four days after mixing the witches brew I took the lid off to stir it and the smell burned my nostril hairs off. It was easily the most putrid thing I had ever seen or smelled. It looked like chunky urine and would make the output of a sick cow that has been vomited up by a rabid dog smell like freshly baked apple pie. The container was situated near my father’s shed, right under the wasps nest that keeps getting rebuilt every time we knock it down. They’re either really stubborn little bastards or dumb enough to not get the hint that our barn gutters simply aren’t zoned for wasp construction. There were a few wasps buzzing around before I opened the lid, none after I opened it. They all disappeared or were stunned by the smell, fell into the vat, and died a horrible horrible death that I wouldn’t have wished on my worst enemies.

I really didn’t want to use it. But I had 35 gallons sitting there in the July heat. My father would kill me if I just put the lid back on and let it sit there. I considered dumping it in the overly religious neighbor’s yard (when I was young the husband lectured my mom for putting the laundry out on a Sunday - ever since that’s when she washes and hangs out all our bras) but they were out on their back deck. So instead I put it on the roses and vegetables and took one last look at them, thinking that it was beautiful while it lasted but it’s all going to be dead in the morning. Then I went in the house, burned my clothes, and took a shower so long and scrubbed myself so hard I took off about 15 layers of skin to make sure I had gotten the smell off my body.

Amazingly the next morning things looked normal. A week later there was a huge amount of new growth, especially on the roses (that’s the lighter green foliage - I know, a better camera would have made it easier to see, trust me, it’s on the list of stuff I need to get eventually.) The plants really do love it, the nostril searing to the point of brain damage witches brew really does work. I’m getting ready to mix up another batch right now.