stereotypical single woman

You know that spring is right around the corner when Meijer starts stocking the Extra Stength Brazilian Hair Wax again.

Seriously - I’ve been trying to find it for the last four months, and every time I get to the store, no matter which one, there’s an empty spot for it, a sticker telling me that it’s $9.99, but no wax. Because apparently the people in the north just don’t wax in the winter. Sure, they have the wimpy gel formulas out year ’round, but if I’m going to wax my bikini area I want something strong enough to get all the hair out with one rip. It hurts enough to do it once, I don’t want to have to redo the same spot 3 or 4 times just to get all the hair off. Granted, I could just go to a salon to have it done but a) I’m poor, b)I have enough body issues that I sure as hell am not comfortable enough to have someone who is used to waxing tanned and toned bodies see my pale and cellulitely body, and c)the people doing it usually take off way more than you want them to (I want a bikini wax people, not a Brazilian.)

I know, you may ask why I even bother, it hurts, I live where it’s cold , and I don’t have a boyfriend, so who cares about a little extra hair? The only explanation I can come up with is that it is an unspoken rule that a southern woman has, at the very minimum, hairless shins, bikini area, and upper lip.

I know, by birth I am not a southern woman. Looking at me there is no doubt that I’m nothing but the stereotypical white girl from the Midwest that I am. But when I was in grad school at UNC I spent seven days a week, 12 hours a day, nine months out of the year, for three years with five of the most amazing and dearest friends I have ever made. All of them from various parts of the south. And when you have a group of women together for that long, under those circumstances, there is absolutely nothing we will not talk about, and you cannot help but pick up the other’s mannerisms and habits. According to them it’s a matter of feminine pride to keep yourself looking nice, and you don’t do it to attract or please men, you just do it for yourself. I know the idea sounds sexist and old world, but it’s really not, it’s just very hard to explain and/or understand the mindset of the modern southern woman, especially when you weren’t born and brought up as one. More 1 a.m. conversations than I would care to admit revolved around this topic. One of them had a standing appointment at a salon on Franklin St. to get waxed once a month - it was a running joke that when she went in she looked like the 24 yr old that she was but left looking like she was 4. Obviously her boyfriend had no problem with this.

So while I have chosen to come back up north where the women stop shaving and waxing from September - May because the hair is needed for insulation, I will continue because my southern roots dictate that I must.