stereotypical single woman

To the family member that drew my name in the annual family Christmas stocking drawing,

I’m sorry. I know you aren’t happy right now. I know you wanted to get Mom’s, or Trina’s, or even Nana’s, they are so much easier to buy for than I am. I know that all of you think I’m way too picky and opinionated. But look at it this way, at least you didn’t get Dad’s stocking. I’m writing this post to make your life easier, and unlike Dad, I won’t go out and buy the things I tell you about and then just tell you that you can give me the money for them later.

Now, I know that not too long ago I wrote in a post that I am disappointed when I get gifts off of a wish list, but this is not meant to be a wish list, but list of suggestions to avoid the Christmas morning conversations about how hard it was to find things I might like.

Wine is always a good bet, I usually drink a glass every day while I’m fixing supper (on good days it’s for the health benefits, on bad days to unwind), and it will fill up a lot of room in the stocking - preferably a Cabernet or Shiraz. You get bonus points if it has a funny name. Or, even better, one of those temperature sensitive labels like Rude Boy.

Four color pens and mechanical pencils, you can never have enough of them.

Some Biore pore strips would be great as well - I know, it’s not really the thing you think would be wanted in a stocking, but like any other weirdo with sick fascinations I really like looking at all the oil and dirt it pulls out of my pores.

a new navel ring, mine hasn’t healed enough to change it yet but a new one to save until this summer would be nice (yes, before I got it done I did my research, and while everywhere it said that it takes 9-12 months to completely heal for some reason I thought my body would be an overachiever and heal much faster than that, well, it hasn’t, the slacker)

Anything related to astrology - I hate to admit it, and please don’t tease me about this, but I check my horoscope every day. From multiple sources. While I don’t believe that the predictions are true or that they have the answers to any of life’s questions I do think it’s fascinating stuff - and I know that I’m a textbook gemini snake.

Roving, to feed my current obsession with spinning. Most of you know how to log into my eBay acct, and if you are one of the people that doesn’t, talk amongst yourselves, because I’m watching all sorts of items I’d like. Just don’t look at the lists of things I’ve bought, otherwise you’ll find part of your Christmas present.

A lint roller, because everywhere I go there’s a cat that needs to be held (especially when I’m wearing dark clothes)

A set of measuring cups - right now all I have is a 1/4 cup one. I’ve lost the rest in various moves and kitchen accidents.

USB heated gloves - ask my coworkers - I NEED a pair of these.

Chapstick - but nothing fruity flavored.

Hand lotion in small bottles to keep at work - this time of the year my hands get so dry they look like an old woman’s and all the spinning I’m going to be doing is just going to make matters worse.

Cuticle trimmers and band aids, because you know if I’m using one I’m going to need the other.

That’s it for now, and if you think of anything I could put in Mom’s please let me know, she’s not as easy to buy for as you would think.