stereotypical single woman

Approximately a month ago Teddie moved into my house. I have had her since she was a naked little six week old chick* but haven’t always been able to have her living with me due to things like going away to college and living in apts with cranky neighbors. So over the years (13 to be exact) we have lived together on and off for approximately 8 or so years peacefully. This last move has not been an easy transition though, and anyone who has ever dealt with a large teenage parrot will understand (and hopefully sympathize about) the battle of wills that is currently going on in my home.

Parrot behavior can be very erratic. These are not domesticated animals. They are very intelligent, very strong willed, loud, powerful animals. Animals that will scream 90 times in 20 minutes (that would be once every 13.3333 seconds folks) at extreme decibels if they don’t want to hang out in their cage and listen to NPR and play with their toys while you’re working on something that really doesn’t require their assistance. Something that in fact requires that they stay in their cage (it can be very hard to sew with a know-it-all-let-me-show-you-how-to-do-it macaw on your shoulder.) Why keep an animal like this you ask? Surely you could get rid of her. To me that’s not an option. Because I raised her and like it or not I have shaped her behavior and made her into what she is, which at times is great and at other times is a major pain in the ass. She is my responsibility and as angry as she makes me I cannot bear the thought of her going to someone else who would mistreat and keep her cage bound for the next 30-40 years (because, believe me, she would drive them to it.)

And it’s not all bad. Yesterday was a good day. She was sitting on the back of a chair, preening, looking out the window, talking to me (typical conversation: Hello, Ma? Up? Love you. Hello. Ma? Hello? SARA!) and playing peek-a-boo behind the curtain, etc… I was sitting in the chair, knitting, with Marty on my lap.

Marty is very jealous of Teddie. He does not like the amount of attention she gets from me. He also doesn’t think that she should be allowed on my lap at any time and makes sure to keep a close eye on her whenever I get her out of her cage. He makes no attempt to hurt her. Instead he simply gets extra attentive and affectionate with me - purring, rubbing against me, crawling over my shoulder onto my lap, rolling over on his back and stretching and oops, did you just fall on the floor Teddie? sorry, my bad, but since I’m here pet my tummy now, ‘kay mom?

Teddie is not at all jealous of Marty. She simply refuses to recognize his right to exist. Much like most of the countries in the middle east and Israel, with me being forced into the role of the UN. In fact, we had a little war yesterday. Marty decided that he too wanted to look out the window. In fact, he felt that he should have every right to look out the very same window that Teddie was looking out of, right? Apparently not. And like a good, concerned, responsible pet owner I grabbed my camera to document the occasion instead of intervening. And yes, despite the blurriness of the action shots, you can still see that Teddie likes to pluck under her wings, except for that one little feather. She thinks she’s so damn hot. Stupid teenage fashions.

However, after a short battle a truce was reached. They were able to look out the window together for about 30 seconds. And then Teddie bit Marty’s ear. I’m sorry, she was “preening” him and accidently-on-purpose used excessive force.

*I cannot wait to see what kinds of hits I get off that phrase