stereotypical single woman

What does your stereotypical single woman do on her 29th birthday?

You would think one’s 29th year of life would begin with a last ditch attempt to be young - an orgy of alcohol, sex, and drugs. I like to think that this sort of behavior is actually expected, if not completely sanctioned, by society. In fact the behavior can continue for months, reaching it’s peak just before one’s 30th birthday, then followed by a gradual slide into middle age. Being a stereotypical single woman I certainly plan to take part in such a rite of passage.

Drugs - yes, that first. Prescribed, but not to me. Hah! I took 2, count them, two Motrin 800s. Is that living on the wild side or what? And why would someone need such painkillers? Because as a last minute slap in the face to impending middle age I got my belly button pierced:

For years I said I was going to do it - but I was always waiting until my stomach was flatter. This year I said fuck it, I’m going to be 29, it’s not flat, but it’s not grotesquely huge either, and really, what am I waiting for, my 39th birthday?

So I did it - take another look:

Honestly, because I took the drugs beforehand, it didn’t hurt. It was a small pinch and it was over. The whole procedure was done in less than 5 minutes, and then I got up, walked to counter to get my after care instructions and passed out. I went black for about a minute and then couldn’t move for about fifteen. Then I felt like I was going to puke for about an hour afterward. It definitely wasn’t the reaction I had anticipated on having. But right now I’m feeling no pain. Why not? Lots of alcohol. My family and best friend (who I’ve known since I was thirteen, and she made a trip across the state even though she’s seven months pregnant)went out for a wonderful birthday dinner. And at one point there was a cake with really great frosting. All of us were drinking and eating, well, except the pregnant lady.

So that just leaves sex - a quick fling, which my sister highly recommends (especially with a younger man) and I certainly have no objection to it- but I think I’ll wait until the belly button heals. There’s plenty of time - I’ve got twelve months until my 30th birthday.